MELANCHOLY

to blunder is to boggle someone who's around you. the mistake you've done---you can never conceal it, patch it up and rework it. and then, suddenly a feeling of condemnation comes onto the picture as you abase yourself...and little by little, it is becoming clear to you that you are falling into an abyss of depression--abound to the place where mortification finds no end--drowned into the sea of negative extremeties...and that is you feel the sensation of being necrotic, gangrenous...outcast.....aaaaahhhh. whatever.

("it's gloomier and gloomier" -E.M.)

nevertheless it is not yet the end...just making discouragements.

phew!