BYGONE BUT LINGERS STILL ( The Abstract Version)

They despise me and I perceive the plot of their revenge like that of Medea when fury comes before the positive sense of existence. They blare with bothering noises (which I resist most of the time) that give me signal of panicking that they always want me to have. They shake my life and throw me bunches of gossips, which disseminate when broken off, and thereby paves a way for my own judgment.

Fearing the biases, I abase myself, sitting on one corner of a room of permanent fearful ambience, discerning the concealed justification of enraged environment.

I recalled my nasty deeds of behaving erratically---flirting a man, for instance--offering him a sweet danger before me. No, it wasn't flirting. He also wanted me like the way he wanted his girl that time. I didn't know that he had already committed himself to a woman when we were together that night of familiarization. So, I wasn't a flirt. I should've known. I was just once a little bitch flitting from one place to another as if sending hints to everybody that I am not that small enough not to suffice myself with faulty romance.

That man wasn't really a man--just a creature trapped in a man's body--a system of transgression. He has taken advantage of my not-knowing. He buried his soul in a selfish compassion, never really conscious of the extremeties he has to build.

But to the ones concerned, I was the ultimate sinner. They have not even listened to me first, not even shown a snap consideration. They continue throwing ridicules, saying that I am a puppet without the power to control myself but the people have over me.

So, they despise me and I still perceive the looming perils they might give me.

They---They might be all of you!

Yes, I was humiliated before your eyes. In whatever manner, hitherto, I am detaininmg a single principle within me like that of Job...that... "Suffering can be used for a higher good." So, who's gaining profit now?