noteworthy moments

...it is when she keeps her mobile number in secret because she doesn't want the both of you to be bothered texting each other (Meme)

...it is when you treated her to Jollibee, eat choco mallow pies and chat about study habits (Aby)

...it is when the three of you start saving money for your reunion at Jollibee Tabaco (Jeth and Neil)

...it is when the both of you decided to register to Unlimitxt during Fridays (Jeth)

...it is when you asked him to do you a favor, like asking him to buy a japanese dictionary (Neil)

...it is when you went twice to jamboree site to see him (Neil)

...it is when you called them just to ask how to save files using the flaskdisk (Ivy and Neil)

...it is whenshe provided you the answers in you homework just before you solve the problems (MG)

...it is when the both of you went out of the dormitory few minutes before the curfew to look for anime posters but ended-up eating at Jollibee (Aby)

...it is when the both of you sleep in the same bed (Aby)

...it is when you placed your photo on her headboard (Aby)

...it is when you ate "penoy" and "balot" during brown-out (Ate den and Aby)

...it is whe you went out of the dormitory because you were craving for fishballs and "balot" (Julxie and Jamie)

...it is when she cleared-up her bed to let you lie there (JE)

...it is when she texts back no matter what happens (Pia)

...it is when she smiles saying that you are always welcome (Army)

...it is when you treat her to McDo every Monday or Wednesday (Pau)

...it is when you bought a bottle of water for her when she was sick (Kat S.)

...it is when she lends you money when you need it (Anna Liz)

YESTERDAY IS GONE

It was just yesterday that I have lost in boredom. I remember it now. That perfect milieu where the songs of life were continuously playing—cruel and sombre, yet true—in a way, made my heart ache. I was just there, getting weary of obscenity, gripping a pen, stubbornly attempting to inscribe something that could make myself feel less morbid, as if finding an antidote for self-inferiority.

To write is never easy, especially if it is your waterloo. And I needed my innate dexterity to reach the optimum for me to break that undermining tendency of my mentality. The question that was always bugging me of why I still take a resolute stand of myself on that particular craft had been ceased by the reason that it is indeed my dream to be a good writer.

I have taken no part on our school paper, way back in high school. I was not even a contributor. I didn't exerience to be sent to other schools for writing competitions. These belittle me. These facts oppress even the smallest possibiity in me to grow into skillfulness.

Days have passed but it was still yesterday. Boredom was still taking its eminence and the harshness of the songs of life was still lingering. Clinging to the decorum of what my mind only knew all that time, I again chose to stay in the gloomy part of my life, as I always did. When sorrow penetrated my heart and when tyranny invaded my thoughts, I couldn't help but to be hopeless.

Yes, I had a dream but methought, I was of part of it. I was filthy weak to enter the realm of its realization.

Until someone broke the walls of hell, which were then instantly built by depression and frustration, where I have been detained. Triggering the vision of hope amidst my hopelessness, he unconsciously reached out a hand and got me out from the abyss of uncertainty. I know him. I know I have met him before. This young fellow works for excellence with persistence and compassion, never tried to hold back for the sake of mediocrity. He once told me this: "Weakness becomes a weakness when you accept it." And I asked myself, "Had he also been to the gloomy part of life like that of mine?" Certainly yes. So why accept weakness!

Notwithstanding the feeling of almost being dead I finally chose not to be buried on that graveyard. The bitter songs of life were little by little fading until they were no longer echoing in my head. The reverberations of self-inferiority and anxiety which once asserted themselves were gone. The sound of fear was no longer audible. My old world was gone.

At last, beautiful dawn---I can now see you as I look upon the horizon.

A cliche this may sound but God has the perfect plan on how we could move on. He may use other people of great testimony and character like what had happened to me. We may still not know, hitherto, of what good things life may offer, especially when our souls are downcast. But I tell you this: We are not to stay too long on morbidity for we will not want ourselves to be the cause of all the hurts and harms we are going to experience on such state. Don't let the entire hope be devoured by yesterday because yesterday is gone. Today is the perfect time to listen to the songs of life--not anymore sombre and cruel, but full of delight and hope.

BYGONE BUT LINGERS STILL ( The Abstract Version)

They despise me and I perceive the plot of their revenge like that of Medea when fury comes before the positive sense of existence. They blare with bothering noises (which I resist most of the time) that give me signal of panicking that they always want me to have. They shake my life and throw me bunches of gossips, which disseminate when broken off, and thereby paves a way for my own judgment.

Fearing the biases, I abase myself, sitting on one corner of a room of permanent fearful ambience, discerning the concealed justification of enraged environment.

I recalled my nasty deeds of behaving erratically---flirting a man, for instance--offering him a sweet danger before me. No, it wasn't flirting. He also wanted me like the way he wanted his girl that time. I didn't know that he had already committed himself to a woman when we were together that night of familiarization. So, I wasn't a flirt. I should've known. I was just once a little bitch flitting from one place to another as if sending hints to everybody that I am not that small enough not to suffice myself with faulty romance.

That man wasn't really a man--just a creature trapped in a man's body--a system of transgression. He has taken advantage of my not-knowing. He buried his soul in a selfish compassion, never really conscious of the extremeties he has to build.

But to the ones concerned, I was the ultimate sinner. They have not even listened to me first, not even shown a snap consideration. They continue throwing ridicules, saying that I am a puppet without the power to control myself but the people have over me.

So, they despise me and I still perceive the looming perils they might give me.

They---They might be all of you!

Yes, I was humiliated before your eyes. In whatever manner, hitherto, I am detaininmg a single principle within me like that of Job...that... "Suffering can be used for a higher good." So, who's gaining profit now?

HODGE-PODGE

God has given me ample time to think of the hodge-podge of my contemporary life and it sometimes distracs me, especially when I think that being insomiac is never one of the healthy ways of converting my ideas into words and (you know) write them down and allow readers to decipher them and learn by observation.

If I were Job (from the Bible) and I was in a cosmic test, would I be proud to be the object of God and Satan's encounter? (Well, I would not even know!) God is helping me to be in His track but I never intend to be legalistic. This once brought me into paranoia and suddenly, I will just find myself looking through nothingness and was like dead, never really existed for quite sometime, and boom! (I have swallowed my breath!) back to normal mode. ( I am sorry for that, I was just thinking of the word "dogs". I have read How Communication Works by Wilbur Schramm, and there's a paragraph there, quite long and it tackles about notions regarding "dogs", lots of "dogs" (meaning it was overstated)--how to associate things and ideas about that word. Schramm tells relations of considerable quantity regarding that and I was annoyed, though it was in fact substantial, I still renounced myself from pondering, and went to the next passages. Waaaaaah!.....Dogs! Fucking dogs. Without brains at all!!! They fuck everywhere. They are guilty and spectators of incest, adultery and you know what----lasting lust------they worship it!!! They fuck everywhere--before our eyes. Duh. Such creatures--they deserve being placed in a pulpit, like those of Puritan sinners, and be killed. I despise them (and I fear them, too).

Words. Words. And play of words---they are inevitable to me---the only power I assume to have. I can be an avid Christian with my godly words or a nice fellow with my encouraging remarks and avoid dispute brought by verbosity. Words, for me, work for eloquence, and not so for glibness.

But occasionally, I just don't utter them Not even one. And it feels highly good to be silent, to be melancholic and when people misunderstood you (sometimes only). I barely feel the bliss penetrating like morsels. I'm hungry for it. I like it and I lick it....tolerated by insatiability. Oh, fucking lunatic, do not make me a maniac towards your irresistable temptation. Fuck you!( This kind of language offered by Satan who was once my idol for the last two years, last semester...yesterday---somehow allows me to experience pleasure). The evil taught me all the things in vain and he let me sense the greatest sensation of blood that one could ever experience, when it runs through every artery, through each particle-like vein...and it suffocates me though I falter, feeling like sucking an air pump. I just forsook that temporary need and permit myself to kill myself and finally, everything would be gone, though my animosity still lingers.

This is what life is---it needs death.

Phew

LIKE AN EAGLE

about our commencement song...


a memory interpenetrating the quasi-perplexive years of youthful bliss...


as we, the never-naive juvenile of those moments, sing the song of pre-success!

- like an eagle-

like an eagle i will soar above the clouds

I'll spread my wings and fly into the sun

like an eagle, i will raise above the stars

I will fly to places yet unseen

go beyond my wildest dreams

know that you are watching over me...

MELANCHOLY

to blunder is to boggle someone who's around you. the mistake you've done---you can never conceal it, patch it up and rework it. and then, suddenly a feeling of condemnation comes onto the picture as you abase yourself...and little by little, it is becoming clear to you that you are falling into an abyss of depression--abound to the place where mortification finds no end--drowned into the sea of negative extremeties...and that is you feel the sensation of being necrotic, gangrenous...outcast.....aaaaahhhh. whatever.

("it's gloomier and gloomier" -E.M.)

nevertheless it is not yet the end...just making discouragements.

phew!

LIFE.SOCIETY.ALTRUISM.WORDS.PHEW!

we have special strategies to alter our lives. We make our own identities and we prompt decisions for ourselves. but we are not just living merely for ourselves...we need other people to help in our ways and vice versa.

the decorum that we have previewed mamy not be the same as we meander our paths. and as we choose to incline our morality, it goes with our social company.

now, here's altruism...and it's a good thing...ang generosity is one of its representations. but I am talking not just concerning finances or necessities but for the respect to happiness and well-being. we ought to be aware of our environment and must be careful of what our mouth may spill...(words build and destroy)...so, avoid blabbing!

duh, I am going aloft.

bye.

phew!

ANEMIC SI MOROTA

mahigit isang taon din bago ko masilayang muli ang Infirmary ng UPLB. ang huli kong malas dito ay nung magpa-medical ako bago ang first ever registration ko sa school. that same day was the fourth day of my long suffering from severe cough and colds... and erratic fever. good thing, it is only viral...akala ko may dengue na ako.

anemic ako. nirisetahan ako ni Doktora ng ferrous sulfate. kulang ang dugo ko. Nevertheless, I felt better then after I have gone to the place. Nangutang pa ako. Hindi ko alam na magbabayad pa pala kapag kukunan ka ng dugo.

mabuti na lang, a friend was there to help me overcome such shortcomings.

I felt like being necrotic...
A pinch of death squeezed me...

and it hurts me so.

phew!